Read time: Approximately 30 Minutes
This endeavor didn’t come about without a fair share of struggle. But looking back, every part of it was absolutely necessary.
On paper, everything looked great for a while. I’ve worked in sales management and marketing since I was 18 years old. I’ve been licensed in real estate, mortgage loan origination, and life & health insurance. I’ve managed sales and marketing for a high-end custom home builder, a green building technology company, a production home builder, etc…
I was always a highly driven ‘individual’, on a mission to make things happen. As a result, I literally dragged myself through hell. It ultimately took all of that for me to stumble into the ultimate solution and freedom from it.
I’ve survived multiple significant concussions and a traumatic brain injury – enough to have turned myself into a vegetable several times over, but this story just doesn’t go that way. I was diagnosed with TBI and PTSD and as a result of events I am about to explain in this story I found relief from both (and much more).
For all intent’s purpose of being able to communicate this story, when I refer to ‘I’ or ‘me’, I am referring to the person who goes by the name of Mitch. The story happened but there is no longer an identification with it.
The details and images below may be disturbing for some viewers. Viewer discretion is advised.
In order to get the message across to those who need to hear it, the details are necessary.
Please keep in mind the only reason I am choosing to relive the details of these events is to help other people find what I have stumbled into. I no longer identify with the story, and this has provided me with the ability to observe it will full clarity, objectively.
So many people suffer, and struggle to find answers. This ‘thing’ I have stumbled into is the answer to obtaining absolute fulfillment, regardless of circumstance.
And as you will see, there have been plenty of circumstances.
I’ll start with the brain injuries.
The first concussion came about when I was just a few months old and fell down some concrete steps, splitting my forehead wide open.
Another, which was undiagnosed and treated with beer, was caught on camera (video below). The hair may have saved my life.
The third concussion came about as a result of a college scuffle at the University of Oklahoma which resulted in being jumped by a crowd of frat bros. They slammed my head repeatedly into metal stairs as a line formed to prevent my friends from getting to me – breaking my nose and taking me in and out of consciousness as they kicked and slammed my head into the ground. When I went back the next day to try to find my phone, we found the blood all over the corner of the metal stairs. Pretty gruesome.
The fourth – I was at a bar, slightly tipsy, and walked out of the back door to answer a phone call. When I walked back inside somebody was pushing the door and told me to go around to the front – instead, I just pushed it harder. Whoever was inside knocked me out and repeatedly punched me in the face, knocking my contacts out and breaking my nose again. My friend dropped me off at the hospital. I filed a police report and the owners of the bar gave the investigator the runaround. It was one of the bouncers, I confirmed a couple years later.
In 2013 I lived to tell about an accident in which I rear-ended a vehicle that had come to a stop in rush hour traffic on the freeway at about 65 mph with no seat belt on (image from ambulance below). My eyelid was dangling from my face, just slightly attached. The surgeon said he had never seen an injury so bad with an eyeball
This physical course correction was the 2nd vehicle to total at-fault within a span of a few months. 2 additional followed.
When the wreck happened, I was actually driving between the impound, where I had just retrieved my car, to my office. 1 day prior to this accident I was released from a week-long jail stay to go along with my first (and only) felony drug possession/DUI charge (which has since been dropped without a conviction – but only after failing probation and a huge 3-year ordeal). I had been fired and I was headed to turn in my cell phone.
When I was arrested I had just closed a sale of a home one of my clients was building and their paperwork was in my car. Federal guidelines required mortgage documentation to be submitted within 5 days, and even though I was a top producer for the company, I got the can. Their image was on the line.
I found myself with no money, a mountain of legal problems, a traumatic brain injury, and I was denied social security benefits twice – even though my doctor ordered me to take an 18-month break from work.
There was zero hope, much less a happy ending, in sight.
As I was sitting on my porch prepared for an early life departure, an idea hit me. I decided rather than hanging myself with a jump rope that day, I would try a little gratitude journal experiment. There was no rush to end the situation and I figured writing down things I was grateful for, over the course of the next 2 weeks, was worth a shot. If everything was still bullshit then I could always end it then.
I recalled reading about a practice which involved writing down 3 gratitude items per day, and a life being transformed as a result. Due to the severity of the situation, I kept tab of every single thing I could go out of my way to think of.
Within 3 weeks the situation had completely transformed. I had a car, money in my pocket, and was on the road to living out the rest of this journey. An old friend called and offered me a job – since I wasn’t supposed to be working I hadn’t even started looking.
The bills were paid but the problems were not over yet.
Some of the highlights over the following 2 years
- The owner of the company I started managing sales and marketing for gave me a car to drive for work. I totaled it within a few months, also at-fault. Then he gave me a moped. I totaled that the first time I got on it, and have not driven a vehicle since.
- Shortly after we were raided by the DEA, FBI, CIA, Homeland Security, state bureau of narcotics, IRS, Highway Patrol, and city police due to an investigation my employer was involved in (actual news footage from that day, below).
- I walked in on a girlfriend at that time sleeping with a guy on my couch.
- I saved one of my best friends from jumping out of a hotel window, after he punched it out, then socked the front desk attendant in the face. He didn’t press charges but there were circumstances around the situation which I choose not to explain here.
- My best friend died from a drug combination/overdose. Below is an image we took at a Thunder basketball game we attended shortly before he died.
- I worked for my friend’s father, who was an attorney. He owed me money and I ended up having to turn him into the labor board, per his suggestion. Since he was an attorney, he won, regardless of the massive amounts of evidence I had. His grown children were heroin addicts, actively involved in the business and stealing from him constantly. It was a literal nightmare/hell on Earth situation.
- And these are just scratching the surface. My entire life had been one crisis after another. Clarity has since shined a light right through the entire situation. I found answers.
The Turning Point
It helps if I start from the very beginning. All of the details of this paint a very interesting picture which is absolutely worthy of paying attention to.
When an opportunity presented itself to attend 3-night ayahuasca ceremony in 2015, I jumped on it.
The first time I spoke with the woman who explained the ceremony to me over the phone, she told me that I would look back on her conversation and realize that ‘la
She said to pay attention to what was happening
‘Pay attention,’ she said. So I did.
And the following day, the love of my life appeared. She had just been rescued by a girl who found her under a porch. I had never been offered a dog this directly. Lilly is perfect and was absolutely the perfect change for me at that exact moment in my life.
Love finds a way. Lilly was its GPS.
Fast forward to the ceremony.
When I arrived, I was agitated – ready for something… anything… to happen. I couldn’t go on with life the way I was living it at that time. I was on drugs. I couldn’t focus to save my life. There were problems in every area of my life. It was fucked.
The guide introduced himself to me and basically gave me the rundown.
He said that when I drank la
I knew I was in for a trip at that point. I didn’t have any idea what the hell he was talking about but it sounded like some serious shit.
He explained that, if I successfully surrendered throughout the weekend, that I would find love at the end of it. He also told me that there was no right or wrong way to go about
I was ready.
A couple hours before the ceremony I found my bed at this very nice, private cabin on 80 acres with a pond, in southern Kansas. I decided to take a nap.
In this nap, I had a dream in which I was driving the wrong direction on a highway in OKC. Then I pulled off of the highway and found myself in the middle of a racetrack with thousands of people watching as I was pulled over for driving like a dick. It was super stressful. And right then, somebody woke me up just in time for the ceremony.
Part of me wondered if this was the right thing to be doing, but it was too late for all of that.
I slept through the first night. And woke up about 6 hours after everybody, the next day.
‘Maybe this stuff just doesn’t work for me,’ I thought. I was very disappointed and was losing hope.
The guide explained that la
This time I was ready. About an hour after drinking the first cup, I went to sit out on the dock by myself. It was a beautiful night and the water was pretty choppy.
The crickets were loud and they literally drowned out the sound of almost everything else. Back to that in a second.
I took a seat on the bench and was listening to the various animals running around.
Suddenly, a flood of very specific memories started to flood my attention.
First, a fight I had with my mom when I was 12. She called the police on me and I ran away with no way to get in contact with me. I didn’t want anybody to find me.
Next, a memory of being at the lake with my ex-girlfriend and some other friends when I was 18. I was drunk and got upset with my girlfriend. I ran into the woods with no way to get ahold of me. My friends nearly left me but they just happened to turn down a road and see me just before they left. I didn’t want to be found.
Then I remembered the first time I did free writing. I wrote for 3 hours and tons of content about how I was about to move to a foreign country by helping a random person on their sailboat spewed out of my brain.
It was showing me a recurring thought pattern that had been haunting me for the majority of my entire life. I wanted to run away and didn’t want to be found.
Sitting by myself on the dock, I asked ‘Why?’ out loud.
An immediate answer followed. The voice was my thoughts. Part of me was just telling myself what was happening, but I was never able to see it previously.
It said that part of me was trying to do what my father had done when I was 4 years old, but in reality, I was misinterpreting the situation. He didn’t ‘run away.’ He went and did some other shit that just happened to not involve me. But a major, subconscious part of me was trying to run to be like him. It had never crossed my mind consciously.
I immediately started balling. For the first time in forever. But that was short-lived, interrupted by hysterical laughing. Definitely looked like a crazy person.
I thought it was pretty hilarious that some brew from the jungle had just helped me identify and move on from a problem that was the foundation of everything wrong with my life. It makes me laugh writing this actually. It is honestly pretty damn funny.
After that, it was time to go back inside. I started to pay attention to the crickets again. The sounds they were all making continued to change and transition in a strange kind of sync with each other, and I could feel the change.
When I got back to the house, people were puking violently inside. I sat down on my mat, and when the puking took a break, a thought crossed my mind.
It said, ‘What if the crickets stopped chirping?’ At that exact moment, the entire ocean of crickets simultaneously went silent. I’m not talking about seconds, either. I’m talking about that exact moment.
I thought maybe my mind was playing tricks on me, so I whispered to the lady next to me. “Do you still hear crickets?”
She listened for a few seconds then said, ‘Nope.’
Once again, hysterical laughter. What a trip. I felt connected to nature in a way that I had never experienced prior.
When I woke up, something I can only describe as a 5-dimensional futuristic robot serpent was hovering off of the ground a few feet in front of my face. I could only see it with my eyes wide open – not when they were closed.
It had thousands of things sticking off of it and the various parts of it were spinning in this extremely complex way that had me completely mesmerized. I was so amazed by it that I studied every single detail of it, trying to take the best memory of it as possible, but there is absolutely no way I could begin to re-create it, much less even imagine it in the first place.
I looked away and looked back. The serpent was still there. I opened and closed my eyes several times – still there.
It then proceeded to ‘Slither.’ It opened its ‘mouth’ and swallowed my entire body from head to toe. I could see this process happening, still with my eyes wide open.
Then I started to experience very intense electrical sensations on my head. They were so strong, I could actually hear a crackling sound in my ears. There were 6-7 times that these waves of electrical shocks went over me.
It could have easily been taken as a seizure of some sort but I knew very well what was happening. The thing was healing my brain.
I woke up several hours after everyone else again, but this time I was a brand new person. Several people made comments that I looked different. I knew for a fact that I was all better.
A couple hours before the ceremony I took another nap.
This time I had a dream that I was the emperor of a city underneath the ground and somebody was ringing this enormous cylinder bell that was so loud it sent shockwaves through this amazingly beautiful underground place.
It was a night and day difference from the dream on the first night.
I went to the ceremony knowing that I was in for a real treat.
I drank the brew then I went back out onto the dock.
I was looking for the message again, but this time it was different. I began to recognize all of the events that had to take place, not only in my lifetime, but also in the lifetime of everybody that proceeded my life, and even the lives of the people who had built the cabin that we were staying at.
I realized that life was divine and that every single detail of everything that had ever happened, had done so for a very specific and extremely well-choreographed purpose. And that something truly amazing was happening.
So I went back inside. This time, I asked questions. Things about aliens and about the nature of reality. I received very clear answers to many things.
An hour or so before dawn I decided to go back out onto the dock. There was no way I was going to sleep this time. I had energy and was super excited about everything that had happened.
“3 days at this place, hanging out on the pond, and I hadn’t seen a single fish”, I thought. I sat on the edge of the dock and reflected on everything that had happened over the weekend. I had a gigantic smile on my face, in a way that I had not experienced in way too long. I was genuinely happy and understood for the first time, that death was not something to be
About that time, the sun began to rise. A thought crosses my mind. “I can’t wait to see Lilly.” I was so excited to see her. I felt
Then it hit me. The lady told me la
I was excited to be alive, once again.
And everything changed, in a major way.
Many of the problems that had repeated themselves throughout my entire life had disappeared. And with all of my cognitive abilities repaired by every objective standard (tests were back to/above where they were supposed to be for my age), I launched a digital business development company, FogPusher, on a full-time basis in 2015 and since then have had the opportunity to help business owners around the country doing what I absolutely love doing (outside of producing music and hanging with my puppy).
The pattern was interrupted, officially.
Synchronicities occurred constantly over the following weeks. There were things happening constantly that I cannot even begin to describe. Come to find out, this always happens around ayahuasca, in my personal experience.
Gratitude and la
Over the following two years, I participated in three additional ayahuasca ceremonies. The last of these ceremonies, in October 2017, paved the way to find this ‘thing’ that everybody is searching for.
Absolute fulfillment independent of circumstance. Clarity. And more…
Two nights before the ceremony I looked down at my phone to see the 11:11 time. Like I said, Ayahuasca seems to come with amazing synchronistic activity. I have learned to use the signs as
My television had been playing Youtube videos in the background all day. Normal situation while I work.
As I look up, I find Gerry Powell from Rythmia Life Advancement Center speaking about this situation regarding the disconnection/reconnection with the soul and the process of reconciliation. The video was describing the three-step process they follow at Rythmia.
It was 11:11.
This was the video.
If it would have been literally at any other time – period, I would have thought it was a bunch of crap. But due to the 11:11 time, I paid attention. Then found more testimonials from other peoples lives that had also changed as a result of following this process. I focused in on what needed to be done to make it happen without the luxury of Rythmia infrastructure.
Come to find out, Rythmia isn’t necessary at all for this. Ayahuasca was an essential component for me, however.
I thought, ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’
The worst I could come up with was something other than what my brain led me to believe was in my best interest. I was all-in.
I was also reading the book, Listening to Ayahuasca, at that time. And in this book, it was recommended that one pays attention to the repetitive thought processes that are taking place in their brain, and in being aware of those prior to the ceremony, there is a great opportunity for a fresh wipe of the brain-slate.
When the ceremony approached, my intention was set. I was there to reconcile with my soul and for the removal of my mask.
I had no idea what these entailed, but come to find out, they are exactly the same thing.
A transformation took place that night, and when I woke up, clarity hit me like a bag of bricks.
Clarity also had a very interesting, and extremely well-choreographed way of unfolding over the next few weeks, changing the course of history – actually.
Removal of the Mask: Part 1 – The Mask I Wore For ‘Others’
The process that followed began with a removal of the mask, first in terms of how I perceived other people to perceive me. I no longer hesitated to ask strangers questions, to tell people how I felt, or to do anything that needed to be done. I had no idea how much the burden of creating expectations was a burden on my life until it was removed.
I understood attachment to be the only ‘real’ problem (and even that is only a construct of the brain). I could see evidence of it clearly, everywhere I turned.
The difference between love and attachment came into full perspective. I realized how twisted most people have these components of experience. True love is unconditional. Unconditional love requires no possession of another or even involvement in the subjective experience of life. I realized that people become attached to things, people, emotions, etc… because they are so wound up in their thoughts and what society has trained their brain to believe, that they have it completely jacked up.
They are misinterpreting their life situation entirely, as was I.
Interestingly, it turned out that having the mask removed and reconciling with a detached or disconnected soul is exactly the same thing. The reason the soul goes out of touch is due to this web of labels, beliefs, meanings, and expectations the brain creates.
I could/am now able to feel everything in a million different emotional flavours. Emotions are a built-in guidance system and I was being clearly guided. I was just never able to feel this guidance prior because part of me was actively blocking out the feelings. Thoughts, come to find out, are actually supposed to support the functioning of the feeling guidance that we have. Thoughts are not the King – they are the handy assistant.
Finding unwavering peace and contentment in life is not about not being sad. It’s not about being numb, either.
This is about being able to be sad completely, experience the sadness for what it is, an emotion, and experience that without being dragged into depression or misery.
Read that again if you have to. Many people hear what I am saying and will naturally interpret that to mean that the experience is being numbed – it is actually the complete opposite of that.
I’ve struggled with depression for my entire life and I know today that there is nothing that could possibly happen that could make me depressed again. Even if the chemicals in my brain indicate that I should be. I see things through an entirely different window now. I get it.
If you’re struggling right now, that might sound terrible – but that is because your situation is being misinterpreted and your brain is feeding these words to you through a web of labels and constructs it has created. Keep reading – I explain.
Removal of the Mask: Part 2 – The Mask I Wore For Myself
A couple weeks after this experience, something incredible happened. I had been living free of the destructive, repetitive, and limiting thoughts the default mode network had been spitting out every few minutes for my entire adult life, for about two weeks.
The insight was rolling in with the momentum of a cosmic freight train. I was receiving downloads of information with absolute clarity about all kinds of life situations.
This one caught me a little off guard, compared to the prior realizations.
Understanding that attachment was the only problem and that it was situated at the root of the human condition, I suddenly became clear about my relationship with the universe. I no longer held onto this need to see myself as a ‘self’ or an ‘individual’ person.
This was the most profound realizations of them all, and actually, they were all necessary in order to understand this one.
We Are What The Whole Thing is Doing. The Formless in Form.
Separation is an Illusion.
You see, this thing that is happening, call it God, the Universe, consciousness, whatever you wish – is the only process happening. It’s one enormous, seemingly infinite process. We are a process of it in the same way that every galaxy is. It’s literally the same ‘unfolding.’ There appear to be many components to this process, but that is just from a very limited perspective. A wider angle on the situation paints a much clearer picture.
Zoom out, and keep going.
The Truth is the single, eternal process, which cannot be explained or even understood by a brain. In fact, thinking about this too much won’t get you anywhere. The brain is not designed to understand what is actually happening.
Right now you believe there is a ‘you’ inside of that body. In reality, everything is this 1 universal process and THAT is the only/real you. Consciousness is aware. Your brain created a sense of ‘I’ in order to protect that body. That identity, the attachments, the beliefs holding us back, all of that only exists in the mind. It’s all illusion, but this particular illusion is so destructive to the thing that appears to be an individual, and also to the divine unfolding of the whole, that this is more beneficial to understand as a flat-out LIE.
Every person/animal/every piece of every’thing’ ACTUALLY is the 1 formless process, in its entirety, having a temporary experience, in form, as a human/animal/sea monkey/rock etc… Imagine a very peculiar formlessness, which is capable of taking form, having 900,000,000,000,000,000,00,000,000,000,000,000+ hands to play puppet with. We are the hands of that very peculiar formless, not the puppet suits or the characters that it temporarily takes on.
Let me be clear here. I am not talking about beliefs. This is a very basic observation that can only be seen when we work through our shit, understand that everything is simply perspective, and detach.
Furthermore, life appears to be serious because there appear to be challenges. In reality, there is no pressure. This a misinterpretation/misunderstanding is simply keeping you from experiencing the absolute abundance of your true nature. Nature always provides enormously more resources than what are necessary for life to thrive. Think about how many sperm, seeds, etc… that nature provides, when only 1 is necessary for life. Nature provides more than enough, always. It’s just impossible for most people to see/understand that.
That said, consider this – we don’t even understand how to make the cell organisms of our own body duplicate, our heart beat, metabolism work or anything, actually. It’s not the conscious mind in charge of anything. We create an identity, which is a lie. Through this lie, we are capable of making our experience very difficult. In fact, ‘self’ is the entire picture. The you that goes by a name is a fiction of the brain that you happen to be using temporarily.
There are no individuals in the middle of the situation, the brain creates the illusion of an ‘I’ as a survival mechanism for the body.
Once this is fully understood, clarity as to how the situation was previously perceived will knock you off your seat – in a great way. This is because of the you that you believe you are right now, is actually getting in the way of the Truth & is a complete illusion. Your body exists, your brain exists, reality exists, the ‘you’ with a name and personality does not – outside of your brain’s fiction it has created.
Once the illusion is removed, the True divine nature of nature is capable of once again, flowing through every aspect of life, effortlessly. That’s how it has worked in my case and for many others. In fact, it always works this way, but the illusion of self is the biggest hurdle to experiencing fulfilment in every area of your life. Life is not supposed to be hard but by living through an identity/thoughtform, the Truth is impossible to see.
The Truth has always been the Truth – its just impossible to see when we are blinded by the brain’s interpretation of everything and its apparent need to be in control, understand, and to create expectations everywhere we turn – literally ruining our life experience as we are in a constant need to fulfill imaginary expectations of ‘others’, which results in the experience of a void, which does not actually exist either. The feeling of a void is simply created out of this misunderstanding.
This process is the answer to every perception of a human problem. It was for me and is for most others who have tried this specific process, however.
Are You Suggesting My Life is a Lie?
Not at all, I’m saying that it was simply misinterpreted as something other than what it really is.
I’ve only spoken this entire story to maybe 5 humans, and this was the immediate response from the one that I was dating.
This aspect is actually very valuable in understanding the Truth.
Consciousness is capable of creating constructs, through which experience is had. There is no ego. There is only a brain misunderstanding what it actually is, and through this misunderstanding – problems can arise everywhere. Historically, most people never reach the point in their journey where this is seen clearly.
Once this happens, life keeps moving forward as (mostly) usual, your brain has just dropped all of the BS that has built up over the years that no longer serves it. As a result, you continue to live without the need to attach to everything that makes your brain feel good.
We suffer because we attach. It doesn’t have to be this way.
You were lied to. So was I. School lied to us. Church lied to us. Everybody did – but there is no fault or blame to be given. It’s just that none of those ‘selves’ were capable of understanding their situation, so they shucked what their brain thought onto yours.
There are no faults, blames, or anything of the sort – under any circumstance. Nothing is personal or worthy of being taken personally or attaching to. Everything from the galaxies to the microscopic is working perfectly – and anything that is perceived as less than perfect is just a difference between what our brain desires and what is. Human eyes can only perceive 0.0035% of the electromagnetic spectrum. We have no idea and are incapable of having one about anything that is actually going on. The perceived imperfections are also absolute in their perfection.
So, at the very least, understand this. People are literally doing the best they can do with the experience, information, and resources they have available to them. Everything is cause and effect and absolutely perfect. There is a distinct purpose for every apparent component of the experience.
Quit being hard on yourself – what you are experiencing is happening for a reason, and it is not as serious as it appears to be right now.
All of the situations which appeared to be impossible to overcome have been dealt with and survived. The legal problems, financial problems, relationship problems (happily single at the time of writing this – today I have genuine self love and appreciate my me time), and the self-sabotaging patterns I had been repeating all of my life have disappeared.
This is me:
If I can do it, anybody can.
The most meaningful way to use this experience is to help others have the same.
If you are dealing with depression, addiction, disease, misery, lack of motivation, poverty, or simply are seeking Truth and a deeper understanding of the situation, subscribe to our newsletter below and/or join the Individuals Anonymous Facebook group to participate in group awakening. I am not very consistent
I’m just a normal person who has stumbled into the answer, and I am on a mission to deliver the message to those who are suffering and who need to understand and experience it. Please, feel free to reach out.
August 2018 Update
The story continues to unfold and the amazingness of this life experience never ceases to amaze.
I just registered my first corporation and am on the verge of developing some software that will transform the way businesses in the mortgage, legal, financial, and insurance industries operate. The difference between taking on this project today vs prior to ayahuasca come down to my capacity to participate without the attachment.
After the accident, I would not have been mentally capable of putting this together, also.
The funny thing is – the ‘bad’ wreck was an essential part of the puzzle. Being in a position where I had to teach myself digital marketing – because I had no car, job, and was stuck, was absolutely necessary in order for what is happening now to be taking place.
There is literally zero chance that I would have ever been able to do what I am doing today if it was not for Ayahuasca and/or the gratitude experiment.
Today I know for sure that it doesn’t matter whether things go according to my brain’s plan or not, because I know there is a bigger picture to all of it.
Today I have zero interest in continuing to explore the medicine. My life is good.
I don’t really post in the Facebook group I made for this on a regular basis, but all of the content that I made will remain for others who are on this journey.
If you have not found what I am talking about, this is your opportunity to go find it.
Let this story be your guide. That is, after all, why I have taken the time to write it.
Feel free to connect with me via the social media links directly below.