The following is a slightly revised version of a recent post I made on Reddit, which received quite the response. View the original post, which was made in the context of offering dating advice, here.
In order for a person to be capable of experiencing real love for a non-family member, they have to get to a secure place in their understanding of who/what they are on a very basic level. They also have to clearly understand the difference between love and attachment. Without knowing the difference, an attachment is the default situation.
What’s the difference between love and attachment?
Real love is unconditional. Fake love isn’t even a thing. You can lie to people about loving them, but that’s not fake love. That’s just being shitty. If you love, you sincerely want the best for people, regardless of what they choose to do with themselves or their ongoing involvement in your life – as long as they are happy. If they run away to date your mother or father, and they are happy, (and your momma/daddy are happy) then you are happy. That’s love. When you are attached to something or somebody, your subjective well-being and sense of self-worth are dependent upon the object of the attachment, particularly in its involvement in your life. You are clinging to an impermanent aspect of life. How silly is that? Love doesn’t work like that – it’s not a thing that some creatures get and others don’t. If you are capable of realizing true love, it is non-directional and non-conditional.
Take a Wider Perspective
If you take a step back from the story of your life you appear to be having, it becomes clear that the blood pumping through the veins was created and is managed by the same process that created and manages the entire milky way galaxy. Notice how ‘we’ don’t actually control any system of our own bodies, much less even understand how it works or how one would give instruction for it to happen. Metabolism, oxygen being delivered throughout the body, cell reproduction – we have no idea how our body works from a functional perspective. If we did, we would mess it up anyway. A deeper look will show that the self is actually an illusion and that the perspective is not an indication of a self.
We are what the universe is doing. There is a single self and its the entire universe, God, nature, whatever you wish to call it.
Might be a tough cookie for some to crumble, but there is nothing lost by understanding this. It was an illusion to begin with. We are the life force moving through the entire situation – there are no individual things or happenings involved. It was a simple misunderstanding but you can choose to fix it and correct your dating life and your entire life, right now, if you choose. ‘But… we control our brain, right?’ Ha – where are your thoughts before you become aware of them? Depression can be swiftly eliminated with this understanding as well. Life is not supposed to be so serious. And it goes on and on and on. Life is impermanent. Attaching to impermanent aspects of life (anything) is a pretty terrible gameplan unless your brain just really likes to suffer. It will get used to it either way by keeping on keeping on. People get married and have no idea as to whether they are attached or if they love. Come to find out, marriage is the purest form of attachment. And its no wonder so many of them fail. It amazes me how almost nobody understands this yet they continue seeking to find a person to attach to in order to live out their fairytale dreams.
Help the World Understand
If you find a way to understand this, please help your friends and family understand it as well. It’s not the most fun topic to discuss because we have been brainwashed by chick flick ‘love’ stories and most people believe that their ultimate mission in life is to find another creature to attach to and make offspring with it. If you can get this, truly, and can also apply it to your life – watch how it transforms in front of your eyes. In the most amazing way, you cannot even begin to imagine